30 COMMANDMENTS TO BEING THE "PERFECT" WIFEY (NAIJA STYLEE)

1. Thou shall NOT be a LONG TINS BABE (you know what I mean?)
2. Thou shall not lack in boobs, yansh and hips. If you must, please lack only one and find a way to make up for it.
3. Thou shall NOT be a down to earth, real or ride or die chick. I.e all those ruff, rugged and raw “tell it as it is” girls, NOT WERKING.
4. Thou shall not have dew hair (All those afro/afro-kinky “soul” sisters… FORGET IT).
5. Thou shall not be a non-church goer. Ladies, for extra credit, be an usher, Sunday school aunty or PRAYER WARRIOR (This applies to other religious sects)
6. Thou shall not go to club to find husband... YOU GO JONZ!!
7. Thou shall not drink hard liquor or beers. Stick to 2 glasses of wine, IF YOU MUST DRINK ALCHOHOL.
8. Thou shall not have un-manicured nails (It has to be French manicure acrylic nails).
9. Thou shall not have daddy issues (victims of divorced parents and dysfunctional families … keep it to yourselves).
10. Thou shall not go without makeup (i.e. caked foundation, studio fix but ensure that the make up has a natural look which is purple lip liner, pink lip gloss and chocolate/natural eye shadows)
11. Thou shall not lack culinary skills. Perfect the art of egusi, ogbono and all variations of rice. Home Economics is in order
12. Thou shall not be a “posh sturvs”. Sushi or lasagne…uh ..really?
13. Thou shall not knack ya head when you have a weave. Futhermore, on no account should you be caught scratching and flicking the condiments into thin air. That is simply DISGUSTING.
14. Thou shall not do any strange degrees, such as development, journalism or medical genetics. Ladies, stick to law, engineering, accounting, business or pharmacy.
15. Thou shall not have a sense of humour or try to even be funny (note: SARCASM IS A NO NO)
16. Ultimately, thou shall not go past a first degree, maybe masters (PHD IS AN ABORMINATION)
17. If thou must study a masters, please please, remember to dumb down when hanging with his friends.
18. Thou shall not disclose too much of yourself. You will seem needy
19. Thou SHALL NOT have a sex life or sexual imagination prior to meeting him. Let him “teach” you.
20. Thou shall not listen to anything other than r’n’b or hip hop (common is pushing it). All you World music and rock chicks, NOT HAPPENING MATE).
21. Thou shall NOT an independent woman. (all those “I can pay my own bills” bullshit… Basically , LONG TINS). Refer to commandment one!
22. Thou shall not be opinionated or well informed (WARNING: This might come off as intimidating. Besides, no one likes a miss know it all).
23. Thou shall not go to any obscure University. Please stick to Kent, Leicester, Nottingham, and Reading. (WARNING- YOU WILL END UP ALONE).
24. Thou shall not be overly friendly. All those social butterflies and jovial. Personalities…BEWARE.
25. Thou shall not be anti-social when it comes to his family. You have to GET IN THERE FULLY.
26. Thou shall not explore any originality when it comes to fashion. Stick to T.M Lewin, Hawes&Curtis, pointies or kitten heels, and jeans – Abortion belt always puts the icing on the cake. To complete the look, don’t be seen without your thick framed rectangular glasses (YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SPECSAVERS).
27. Thou shall not hunt in packs (warning to girls with bossom bodies that cant be separated
28. Thou shall NOT be loud. Keep your voice to a minimum always
29. Thou shall not appear to be having too much fun on the dance floor. When it comes to dancing, keep it simple (Dutty winders and grinders, ITS NOT HAPPENING).
30. Thou shall not think about breaking this next commandment. The ULTIMATE, IF NOT YOU ARE FINISHED.It Will be an OYO STATE (on you own) FOR YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. LADIES PLEASE PLEASE AND PLEASE DO NOT GO TO THE BEDROOM WITH ANY WRAPPER, NIGHT SHIRT, WHITE TOP GEL OR SHELLY ON YOUR FACE. If you must Do all the above, LADIES, BURN THOSE GOLD AND BLACK HAIR NETS. Girls, we are all guilty of owning a hair net or 2. And we know that all the commandments before suggests that you must be a babe on P constantly. You have to FIND A WAY TO WORK AROUND THIS HAIR NET ISSUES. Statistics dictates that one in two marriages FAIL due to this.

IN CONVERSATION WITH COBHAMS

Its been a while since we last updated the basement but we just moved location from London to Lagos about two months ago...its taken a while to settle in but somehow we are getting through. In the coming weeks, the basement site will be getting a little bit of an overhaul so please keep showing love and checking us out.
In the meantime, here is a recording with the Nigerian music producer Cobhams Asuquo.He was popularly known for producing the eponymous debut album of the artist Asa. He is one of Nigeria's most talented music makers and he is also visually impaired. So listen and enjoy

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THE CURSE OF THE GREEN PASSPORT

A podcast i found in the basement vault as well. Its just a group of friends having a heated conversation about living in Britain and having a Nigerian passport.Hence the title the curse of the green passport. Its worked out to be strangely hillarious. May i add that most of the people in the podcast have moved back to Nigeria. Apparently your better off with a Beninouise or Togolais passport instead. Anyways enjoy

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BLAST FROM THE VAULT

A little while ago i made some features on two Nigerian rappers called Ikechukwu and Naeto C. Well they are now award winning rappers and gaining increasing popularity.
Here are the featurs found in the Basement vault for your listening pleasure

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FROM THE INSIDE (NKs Story)

Here is another story from the documentary "from the inside". We listen to a young lady tell us her story about her days of bereavement. she lost her boyfriend in a car accident and we listen to the days that followed.

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FROM THE INSIDE

This is part of a longer documetary i made titled "FROM THE INSIDE". This audio is a story of a young womans chilling account of rape during an armed robbery at her home on an easter sunday. If you have been affected by the issues in the story please feel free to contact me us at guerillabasement@yahoo.co.uk We at the basement believe in providing a voice for those without one

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A LITTLE CONVO WITH ASA

ok so sometime in the middle of the year, i managed to get an interview with the paris based Nigerian singer/songwriter Asa. It was her first ever London gig at the Islington Acadamy and i wasnt given a great deal of time. But this was what i managed to get.PS there was a very annoying air conditioner in the background but i got the inerview in the end ehh

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