tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6435165117478929579.post2360330776283642762..comments2023-06-05T04:46:04.483-07:00Comments on Guerilla Basment: DRUMMERguerilla basement productionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00264105141747440811noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6435165117478929579.post-21250717383079033172010-09-21T10:00:02.042-07:002010-09-21T10:00:02.042-07:00As always, your language packs a punch Wana. Langu...As always, your language packs a punch Wana. Language is your strong point. A few things; I think there is a tendency to over describe, descriptions such as 'His hair was brown too, with curly ringlets, it was a dirty brown as though bleached by the sun', sounds a bit untidy, and again, the analogy of 'dirty brown' to 'bleached by the sun' doesn't read well, perhaps if you remove the 'dirty'?<br /><br />I feel as if I am just getting into this character, and I am eager to know more about him. Here, it feels as though you have sketched him out, and perhaps this may be due to the length of the piece? The character definitely has more potential, that perhaps may be expanded say, during other encounters between the Drummer and your other protagonist. <br /><br />These are my just my suggestions, nice piece Wana.Writerdelichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15948242289067432811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6435165117478929579.post-15415451492545699542010-09-16T14:46:03.258-07:002010-09-16T14:46:03.258-07:00What a touching story. The hope is always that peo...What a touching story. The hope is always that people like Drummer get some help and integrate into society. <br /><br />one note: muddy brown and bleached cannot go together. Ist pgh.Mynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07595087387069634003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6435165117478929579.post-29643900031950882062010-09-15T11:55:37.005-07:002010-09-15T11:55:37.005-07:00Well, he's an addict who's come to a cente...Well, he's an addict who's come to a center for addicts. I guess there's still hope for him.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17726873895744434194noreply@blogger.com